When facing a life-threatening illness, spiritual issues are frequently a source of both concern and comfort. Everyone involved in serious illness-patients and families, nurses, doctors, and chaplains-struggles to find meaning in illness and death. Feelings of fear, guilt, and doubt are not uncommon. People have crises of faith and come through them. Here are some questions to ponder as you make peace with what is happening to you.
- What does being in this situation mean to you?
- How do you find meaning in life when you are having all these problems?
- Why you are going through this?
- What do you hope for in the illness?
- If you had your life to live over again, what would be different and what would be the same?
- What things in your life are you proud of? What do you regret?
- What is unresolved for you?
- In looking back on your life, who are you?
- What can the rest of your life mean?
- What is left undone?
- What do you hope for at this point?
- What do you understand now that you didn't before?
- What do you believe happens after death?
- What is your belief about God?
- If you could reach back and recapture one thing, what would it be?
- What do feel you've missed?
- What might God say to you?
- What are your spiritual needs?
Four Rs for the Spirit
Remembering - Take time to reflect on your life and its events. What were your accomplishments? What must be left undone? Who influenced you, for better or worse, and whose lives did you influence? Who did you love? Who do you love? What do those relationships mean to you now?
Reassessing - Take time to see your life as a whole. You may ask what your life really added up to, or who you really were. You might share your thoughts with those who know and love you. Even if you accomplished much in the worldly sense, you may feel you really came up short on doing well with your life. And if life was really tough, you may feel unfairly denied your chances. This is the time to be honest and thoughtful. You are likely to find that you did pretty well, on the whole, and you will probably find ways to forgive yourself and others. Surprisingly, you will even find ways to see and complete important tasks-instructing a grandchild, affirming the goodness of someone who really needs your support, arranging your finances to protect your spouse, or creating someting, whether it's needlepoint, woodworking, or fine art.
Reconciling - Try to be at peace with yourself. You may need to reconcile yourself to not having done the things you always wanted to do. You may need to forgive yourself for your shortcomings or transgressions, or forgive those who hurt or disappointed you. You may need to ask others to forgive you. Reconciliation with your imperfections-and those of others-can help you find peace.
Reuniting - Try to be at peace with those you love. Most of us have had various relationships disrupted over our lifetime, from death, anger, relocation, and the many forces that push people apart. As serious illness threatens, it is important to come together with family and friends, when you can, and to have the chance to say farewells. Don't wait too long to try to see that long-estranged sister or son, or even to sit awhile with a friend from long ago. If you believe in some kind of hereafter or heaven, that afterlife can also be where our souls will be reunited with those who have died before us.
Source: Joanne Lynn, M.D., The Handbook For Mortals
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