Charting Your Course : Seminar I - Taking Your Bearings : A Sense of Personal Control

One aspect of facing a serious illness is that we feel that we have lost our sense of control over our own life. The mystery of life and death, on the one hand, is overwhelming. On the other is the "bigness" of the medical system with its wonders of technology and medication and the many choices that must be made. We forget that we, with our values and our circumstances, are in the driver's seat.

We have been here before. Think of the times in your life when you have wondered if you were the boss, when other circumstances challenged your sense of control. What got you through those times?

Take some time now to brainstorm what it is that makes you feel in control of your life. What has helped you in the past to regain your balance, to take hold of the situation and make good choices for yourself? Think about those times and about yourself. What is within yourself and in your relationships and circumstances that gives you a feeling of being on top of things.

Write down your list.

What helps me feel in control:

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This list was compiled by participants in a Charting Your Course workshop:

What helps me feel in control:

Knowledge-information
Respect from physician and others
Being able to do for myself-independence
Acknowledge you need to let go. Change your lifestyle
Not feel guilty
Do normal routines as much as possible
Feeling death may be a relief--helpful if others can accept it
Control your own decisions
Be able to talk about what is happening to you
Not focus on cancer all the time
Choices
Resources to make choices
Money
Honesty
Support group gives freedom to express feelings
Having private time
Letting feelings out- alone and with others
Exercise, good sleep, eating
Letting people know what is happening to you
Planning a family get-together

Can you think of anything else to add to your list? In reviewing your list and thinking of your present situation, where do you feel in control of things now? Where do you not?

What resources inside yourself and outside yourself can you call on to make a difference in your present situation, if you want to?

Now list things that can you do to feel more in charge of your life today.

Steps I can take to feel more in control:

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When feeling overwhelmed with uncertainty, techniques of problem-solving and time management can help you regain control.

Dealing with Uncertainty

Seek out reliable information
Discuss fears of the unknown
Make contingency plans
Explore your spiritual concerns

Problem Solving

Clearly define the uppermost problem
Recognize how you feel about the problem
Relax and try not to think about solutions for a while
Consider all possible solutions, even "bad" ones
Try to imagine how other people might solve the problem
Evaluate the pros and cons of each solution
Arrange the various solutions into a list, starting with the least desirable or least practical one. Talk about your list of solutions with family and friends.
Make a choice. Remember that all choices are not final. Remain flexible.
Briefly consider some favorable or positive aspect of the original problem. Can you think about it differently?

Time Management

Assess your own current status
Identify the tasks
Prioritize
Ask for and accept help
Make a list of chores. When people ask "What can I do to help?" refer to this list. Many times people really do want to help, but don't know how.

Things people could do to help me:

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This content is derived from the "Charting Your Course Seminars: A Whole Person Approach To Living With Cancer", provided by Norris Cotton Cancer Center.